Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I just want to write

For me writing has always been therapeutic. 
I have always been better getting out what I need to say by writing down what I mean rather than trying to say it.  

Oh Lord, when I try to say what I feel it just comes out all jumbled and messy!
 Does that ever happen to you? 

 I remember being a little girl and getting my first Diary-I think I bought it at Six Flags haha!
  It had gold trimmed pages, was teal blue and had tweety bird on the front! 
It made me feel so sophisticated :)

 I felt like I had so much power...like I finally had the ability to write down what I felt, and thought it actually had a purpose. 
 I have always been drawn toward words and the English language. 
 I may "abandon" this little spot of mine for a while-but without fail I am always drawn back because I love the fact that I have my own little space to write down my thoughts.  
Sometimes it's writers block that keeps me away.
 Sometimes I feel as thought my thoughts are too boring for anyone to read...
and sometimes I just get caught up in this thing called life.

But let's face it most days I.need.this. 
 With everything else that is going on its good for me to take a time out for me to just sit and write.
  Some days the writing has more meaning than others, but after my recent health scare I have learned a very important lesson...
We have to do what makes us happy. 
We're not promised tomorrow.
That's a fact. And I'm going to take advantage of every opportunity that comes my way.

A priceless life

Forgive me if my thought process is off but this past week I have been through A LOT. 
 There's no easy way around it so I will just say it.  
On Tuesday I suffered a stroke.  
Yes I just said a S-T-R-O-K-E, for reals.  
I couldn't move the entire left side of my body- I was completely incoherent, and couldn't talk. 
 I was given TPA (serious blood thinning medicine) and shipped via ambulance from our local hospital to a nearby city hospital. 
Slowly my left side came back, first my hand and arm and I'm still waiting on my leg.
The talking came back very slowly at first, but better now.  
 I spent 5 days in the hospital and was finally released.  
5 days of being poked, prodded, and tested around the clock.
5 days of being away from my babies.

I am most thankful for still being here.
This was one of the most horrific experiences in my whole life.
July 23 now has a new meaning to me...
The day God showed me just how precious my life is.
It's been a week and so far I have been much more appreciative of everything.
The sun. 
My kids.  
The messes my kids make.  
Their laughs.
The list could go on and on.
Through everything though this whole experience has brought me even closer to my faith.  
I have never prayed as much as I have this past week.
I think through my entire hour and a half MRI I said the Lord's Prayer about 300 times!
I have never felt closer to, or felt as though I was being carried more by Him than this past week.
I would have been lost without my faith.  
Our church family has stepped in during our time of need as well-they are just incredible!

Through all of this my husband has been my rock.
He has taken on every.single.responsibility in our house.
Cooking. Cleaning. Diapering.  Food shopping.  Bed time.  Bath's.
"Through sickness and health" is the phrase that comes to mind.
Boy has he stood the test.
I could not be more blessed :)

Awhile back I said I wanted to have this blog to document all of the moments in my life.
The good and the bad.
This is one of the bad.  
Very, very bad.
But to me it is still important to document it because I never want to forget it.
I don't want to forget how fragile life is.
I hope the next couple of weeks and months bring about improvement and that one day I will be able to move, think, and function as I did the day before my stroke.
I say a prayer of thanksgiving every.single.day. because He kept me intact.
He kept me here. With my kids.  With my husband.
Even though the road I am on is going to be one of the hardest battles I have ever fought and I am ready because I know he is on my side.

Through Him all things are possible.