Lately my heart and soul have been doing A LOT of healing.
Healing is difficult.
It means letting go of all that has happened in the past for hope of what the future holds.
I didn't always have the perfect childhood growing up and what I did have was way less than normal.
For so many years I have been ashamed, embarrassed, and downright depressed at the thought of some people in my life.
People who were supposed to be next to me every step of the way growing up.
People who were supposed to be my strongest supporters.
People who were supposed to get me through every struggle I ever had to face, without fear.
People who were supposed to tell me it would all be okay.
People who were never supposed to abandon me.
I didn't have that kind of experience growing up.
And for that I harbored a lot of animosity, hurt, and hatred
For many, many years...
perhaps too long.
Now that I have children of my own I see my life through a different perspective.
The lens through which I see my life is clear because I know how I don't want to live out my life.
My life is now lived through my children.
My days are focused around them and has been since before they were born.
My children's earliest memories will have me in them.
Their wants, their needs, their trials and their successes, I was there for.
My whole world is saturated by them.
They are the reason I wake up every morning.
Every smile, every tear, every twinkle in their eye I have been able to experience first hand.
I am so lucky!
And for that I am forever grateful.
I now realize that for whatever reason certain people who weren't in my life-in the way I would have liked them to be-for a long time weren't for a reason.
I would be lying if I told you I knew the reason they weren't.
But I don't.
And I may never...
And I'm okay with that.
What I can tell you is that no matter how bad things have gotten you can always, always start over.
It has taken me 28 years, a marriage of almost 9 years, and 3 kids to realize all of this.
And that is OKAY :)
This road to healing has been anything but easy.
Most days it took every fiber of my being to not look back at all of the hurt I have endured in my past.
It would have been much easier to harbor all those feelings inside me, to lock them away in a dark place, and throw away the key, forever.
But that would not have been good for anyone.
There has certainly been a lot of hurt, but I have so many beautiful beginnings to look forward to.
From this point we have begun to build new.
We have new beginnings filled with a new love, new respect, and new caring for one another.
Monday, February 4, 2013
This past Saturday was my birthday, the big 2-8 eeeek!!
What I was most looking forward to was just some one on one time with my guy...
what I got far exceeded any expectations I could have ever had :)
The day started off with my husband taking the boys to my family's house for a sleepover which meant we were sans kids for a full 24 hours!
That has not happened in about 4 years, so needless to say I was filled with joy with that alone-and seriously thought that was my present.
But remember I told you this night far exceed my expectations??
Well here it comes:
Once hubby and I had finished picking out new shirts for my birthday night out and were settled into our quaint and cozy B&B hubby had booked for the night there was a knock at the door.
I gave him a weird look- you know the one you make where eye brow goes up while the other stays in place and your mouth puckers to the side?!
Yea that one...and of course he just smirked...
It was our limo driver :) :) :)
We were headed out for a night on the town in AC!
P.S. I have never been in a limo before....NEVER!!
So here we were kid-less, in a limo on our way to Atlantic City, seriously??
Was this even my life?!
Inside of the limo was an ice bucket with champagne,two glasses for us to celebrate, and even balloons!
Our night out on the town included a show at the Comedy Stop which was HIL-A-RIOUS!!
I laughed so hard I may have even pee'd a little ;)
Not really, but seriously it was HY-STER-I-CAL!
I did have tears in my eyes because it was just that funny.
For me the way to my heart is through laughter so it was the perfect combination.
The show was followed by more drinks and dinner which were delicious and fabulous and the night was just perfect!
Here I thought my gift was an evening without our kids and low and behold I got waaaay more than I ever could have expected!
It's just so nice to be celebrated.
It's nice to take a time out from everything else that is going on and have the spotlight be on you for just a little.
I feel like as mom we are sometimes under appreciated and definitely over-looked!
It's nice to have one on one time with my husband!
It's nice to get all glammed up and hit the town!
To feel special, and have everyone say "Happy Birthday!" to you!
This was certainly a birthday to remember!
Friday, February 1, 2013
TGIF! Am I right?! Well today officially kicks off my birthday weekend :) tomorrow I'll officially be .....28! The jury is still undecided on how I feel about that one. Perhaps on Monday I'll have some more insight for you. You know as an older, wiser 28 year old! My first birthday gift this morning was about 4 inches of snow on the ground and now the brightest sun shine we've seen in a while, which makes me very happy!! Well make sure you have fun this weekend, enjoy some quiet time to yourself even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom with screaming children outside, not that I've ever had to ;) and be thankful for one small thing. Something your not usually thankful for. It could be the shoes on your feet, the extra quarter you find in your purse at the checkout line, or a friend. Whatever it is, I'd love to hear about it on Monday because you'll surely be hearing about mine!