As I sit here and type this post my heart is extremely heavy.
In fact extremely simply does not do justice to what my heart is feeling today.
By now we've all heard of the school shooting in CT.
I learned about it Friday afternoon as I passed by a television.
I honestly couldn't bring myself to sit and watch the coverage...and I still can't.
I immediately began praying and still am today.
Praying for the families, the friends, the colleageus, the neighbors, everyone involved in this horrific event.
There aren't enough words right now to console those who this event directly impacted.
And I'm not even sure there ever will be.
For me and my family this really hit home.
As a momma to three little ones this event has really shaken me to my core.
We've got a 1st grader and Pre-K'er in our house these day who both attend public school full time.
I can tell you this as a momma my senses have been on high alert since Friday.
In fact, the momma bear in me came out on Friday as I picked both of our children up early from school just so I could hug them and know they were safe in my presence.
Tears! Oh yes, there were tears!
Tears from me to them, tears for the parents who wouldn't be able to give their innocent, sweet children hugs that night, tears for the siblings who wouldn't be able to play with their brothers and sisters who were called home, tears for unwrapped presents under the Christmas trees, tears for dreams that were never able to be lived out, tears for smiles that won't be seen anymore.
All I can say is that these past few weeks-with Hurriane Sandy and the school shooting in CT-my emotions and our world has really been rocked.
I won't lie, there are days where I have to really fight the urge to say, "What is our world coming to? Why is all of this happening?"
And then just as quickly as these thoughts run through my mind I am reminded of my faith.
My faith that tell me to lean into our Heavenly Father even when we can't possibly understand the destruction, and the hurt that is happening.
My faith that tells me He will heals all wounds and comfort those who mourn.
My faith that assures me it will all be okay....
of course this won't happen overnight...
it is going to take time to heal,
time to figure out how we can move on from this (if that's even a possibility)
time to figure out how to make our schools as safe as they possibly can be for our little ones
time to remember to make each day count more than the last
time to tell our family, and friends how much each and everyone of them means to us-even if we don't see them or speak to them that often.
My husband and I have had many deep conversations this past weekend about how to approach this subject, where do we go from here, how do we keep our children as safe as possible?
We both settled on the same answer.
Our faith is what makes us strong, and will pull us through this time of heart wrenching grief.
For now I will not subject myself or my children to the harsh tv interviews, the updates on social media, or the gossip amongst my friends.
We will stand strong in our faith.